Revising Essay Rough Draft

First, I need to finish my last body paragraph on Mr. Bennett and Jane. Once I finish analyzing where they are on the 'Individual vs. Society' spectrum, I will go back and edit my thesis. My thesis needs to be refocused on the ideas I developed in my body paragraphs while writing my rough draft. As of right now, I need to make a bolden claim. At the moment, my thesis is too vague. Next, I need to go through the body paragraphs and synthesize my examples because they are also too vague. Finally, I will write my conclusion on modern day society and how it relates to the Bennet family. If I do all of this correctly, I believe I will have a solid, final draft essay.

Individual vs. Society - Intro + Body 1 (Rough Draft)

Individual v. Society Spectrum: The Bennet Family

In Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, the Bennet family is a perfect example of the struggles between individuality and conforming to society. The family presents these struggles from different angles. Elizabeth Bennet is on the side of the individual. Elizabeth believes that marriage is not for economic sustainability, but for love. Her view of marriage clearly differs from her mother, who is on the opposite side of the spectrum. Mrs. Bennet feels as though marriage should be strictly for economic sustainability. Granted, her role as a mother is to make sure her daughters grow up and have successful lives, so wanting her daughters to marry for economic reasons is acceptable. Balancing out the two extremes are Mr. Bennet and Jane Bennet. Mr. Bennet leans more towards the side of the individual; however, he still wants to see his daughters marry. Jane, on the other hand, wants to marry for the economic sustainability; however, she does have feelings for Mr. Bingley. Individuality should only be somewhat compromised for the larger needs of the group and society as long as one's morals are not lost, which is seen in all aspects of the Bennet family.

Elizabeth Bennet is on one extreme side of the spectrum; she is a complete and total individual for her time. Elizabeth believes that marriage is about love and happiness that is shared between to individuals. This is somewhat of radical thinking for the time period. Most women married in order to be stable economically. This is the case of Elizabeth’s dear friend Charlotte Lucas. Charlotte states: “Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance” (Austen 14). This way of thinking is common for the time period; however, Elizabeth finds Charlotte’s statement to be foolish. Elizabeth states in response: “You make me laugh, Charlotte…” (14). Elizabeth, being such an individual, finds it absurd that women marry for reasons other than love. Granted, she understands why the women of her time marry for economic sustainability; however, she feels as though the most important part of marriage is the love and connection that is shared by two individuals. This is the reason why she is not overjoyed at the fact that Mr. Bingley and company were coming to Netherfield Park, and that they could be potential husbands.  Elizabeth proves throughout the novel that she is a true individual and she does not believe into conforming to society’s ways.

Ranking Sample Essays

Essay A

• Thesis - The thesis is stated clearly and is sufficiently limited in scope. The thesis is also arguable...one could argue the validity of the clame that Austen tries to influence the way the reader percieves a character.
• Analysis - The analysis was insightful and backed up the thesis. The writer presents a well thought out and convincing argument on how Austen influences the readers opinion.
• Style - The writer wrote clear and concise. The writing was not only conversational, but it was also sophisticated.
• Overall Grade - A-

Essay B

• Thesis - The thesis is limited in scope; however, it is not arguable. The writer is merely stating fact, rather than presenting an interesting argument on how the reader can interpret the text how they wish.
• Evidence - The evidence is generally solid, but again it is mearly stating fact, not presenting an argument.
• Style - Clear yet it is lacking sophistication in areas of the essay.
• Overall Grade - B

Essay C

• Thesis -The thesis is vague and unarguable. There is a large scope and is just stating common fact. The thesis is also somewhat hard to follow and poorly written.
• Evidence - The evidence is also vague and does not go into depth. The analysis also does not go into detail and mearly rephrases the evidence.
• Style - The writing style is poor and it seems as though the writer did not take time to plan, write, and then revise.
• Overall Grade - C+

Individual vs. Society - Intro + Working Thesis

To what extent should individuality be compromised for the larger needs of the group and society?


-The Bennet family is a perfect example of the struggles between individuality and conforming to society. The family presents these struggles from different angles. Elizabeth Bennet is on the side of the individual. Elizabeth believes that marriage is not for economic sustainability, but for love. Her view of marriage clearly differs from her mother, who is on the opposite side of the spectrum. Mrs. Bennet feels as though marriage should be strictly for economic sustainability. Granted, her role as a mother is to make sure her daughters grow up and have successful lives, so wanting her daughters to marry for economic reasons is acceptable. Balancing out the two extremes are Mr. Bennet and Jane Bennet. Mr. Bennet leans more towards the side of the individual; however, he still wants to see his daughters marry. Jane, on the other hand, wants to marry for the economic sustainability; however, she does have feelings for Mr. Bingley. Individuality should only be somewhat compromised for the larger needs of the group and society as long as one's morals are not lost, which is seen in all aspects of the Bennet family.

To His Coy Mistress - Andrew Marvell

The narrator uses the three stanzas to present his argument of love; each stanza taking a different approach. The first stanza is very slow and leisurely. The narrator expresses how he will love the mistress for many hundreds of years. "An hundred years should go to praise thine eyes..." (13-4). He is being extremely playful trying to woo the mistress with crazy, yet romantic confessions of love. The narrator goes even further to state: "But thirty thousand (years) to the rest" (16). His love is so over exaggerated that it can be interpreted two ways. The narrator is either trying to be extremely romantic, or his intentions are strictly sexual and he is saying anything to woo the mistress. By reading further, it seems as though he is more concerned with a sexual encounter rather than long lasting love. This is quite hypocritical to the first stanza which is filled with statements of long-lasting love.

Outside Reading

For my outside reading assignment, I've decided to read posts on the music blog RCRD LBL. I try to stay up to date by checking out other music blogs; however, I have not read much on RCRD LBL. RCRD LBL is a great site with intelligent writers who create in depth blogs about different songs, albums, artists, and performances. The posts aren't very long, so I plan on trying to read a couple every day!

http://rcrdlbl.com/